Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Posted January 10, 2008 by Holly in Discussions | 25 Comments

Yesterday, I commented on a blog where the author stated she was censoring herself. I told her I generally do the same, because I don’t like to get caught up in flame wars and online drama. Why, then, did I decide to open my mouth today, and say something at another site, on another thread that just stirred things up? I have no idea. Regardless, I regret it now.

Not what I said, but that I said it at all. And that it was misconstrued and I was accused of supporting something I find morally reprehensive, and calling someone “mean”. Funny how that works out, isn’t it?

I decided I was better off not responding, especially since what I wanted to say isn’t really fit for polite company. So instead, I’ll just say, sometimes I need to remember I don’t like online drama, don’t like to get caught up in flame wars and don’t like to be insulted..and leave it at that.

In other words:

Note to self: Don’t comment, just move on.

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25 responses to “Open Mouth, Insert Foot

  1. Everyone’s words get twisted when there’s drama going on.

    And that’s all I’m going to say. LOL

    p.s. Holland – listen to me. *g*

  2. Being the drama whore I am, which way? 😉

    I don’t comment in dramas, I just pop the popcorn and sit and enjoy. Bad Cindy. And getting your words twisted around sucks. Had it happen one too many times to find it funny. Thing is I think most people reading can tell who the dumbass is. Unless you stumbled into a fan forum. Then you be amongst the crazies and nothing will help except backing out cautiously.

    And finally.

    Don’t let the bastards get you down.


  3. Sorry you were misunderstood Holly. It’s easy to get caught up in the drama, so I’ve learned to stay away, or at least I try. Sometimes I’m drawn in despite myself.

  4. I definitely understand the desire to not get involved in online drama–which is why I prefer to simply observe and point and laugh but rarely comment directly. I’m sorry that your words were misconstrued.

  5. Girl, you did not open mouth, insert foot. You were trying to keep an open mind. I applaud you for that. I thought your statements are very well said. I understand how people that don’t know you think that you were defending CE, but if they would have read more clearly they would have seen that just wasn’t the case.

  6. I think most of us are just tired of the negative attacks.

    While I may agree with the abhorrence of someone not siting copied work, or outright plagiarizing, I absolutely do not like what I’ve been seeing recently in romance blogland in the way of how it’s reported.

    You can make a point (and move on for God’s sake) without shooting people in the back and trashing them personally.

    We get enough snide comments from those outside the community, must we gun down our own comrades in arms for them?

    It’s sad, sick and wrong,to kill your own, imo.

  7. I was actually reading through the numerous posts and hundreds of comments and I have to say, it’s one thing to make a point. It’s another to beat it into the ground, stomp on it, bring it back to life, slam it into a wall, and the shoot it. Hopefully Zeek is right and people are starting to grow tried of the “let’s get ’em!” atmosphere running rampant in blogland.

    I’d have posted a comment myself regarding the massive overkill of the CE situation but the last thing I need is to throw myself into that fray. Besides, Holly would probably kill me if I did!

    I feel wrong for wanting to defend this overkill and being too scared to speak up for fear of being attacked more than I already have been over the last mnonth. It’s not right that people should be “feared” into silence.

  8. Holly,

    Been there done that and feel exactly like you do.

    I hate online drama; it’s stupid, pointless and usually one-sided. Whoever disagrees or has a different opinion is crucified. If I really have something to say I’ll do it in my own blog where I can say whatever I want and people can comment whatever they want and I wont reply to it LOL

    The sadest part of it is that it’s what most people like around here. The drama, the vulgarities, the name-calling and the flaming that’s what brings in the readers and the comments. Go figure….

  9. Ah, okay, I don’t go to certain blogs because they are too busy and yes, things get way out of hand. I was over at JMC’s and she was talking about CE and I made a few comments over there. When there are hundreds of comments on a post I will only read through although I’m going to go read what you wrote Holly because I’m wondering if it’s along the same lines of what I just wrote over at JMC’s.

    At the smaller blogs you tend to be able to have a conversation and debate without getting beaten down by extremists.

    Do you want to discuss it here or would you prefer to keep the sharks out? 😉


  10. I didn’t actually comment as SB, Cindy, but at DA. Because I don’t read SB (at all) and didn’t see the original post. But my comments were taken wrong. I’m more than willing to discuss the situation here.

    I have to say I’m equal parts frustrated and…i’m not even sure. Maybe ashamed? not of myself, but of the romance community. Yes, I said it. Why? Because though I feel this needed to be brought to light, the way in which it was done, and some of the comments I’ve seen about it since it did, haven’t been very flattering to the romance genre. I’m just waiting for someone to grab this and say, “Well, she writes romance, what do you expect?” Because we all know that will eventually be what happens.

    I’m also frustrated at a lot of the comments coming out, that people are going to boycott her publisher now, because they’re standing behind her. While I don’t necessarily think it’s right for them to do so, to punish other authors for the behavior of one is beyond ridiculous. Why should they be punished because one person screwed up?

    And why should we, as a community, push for that to happen? Do I think writing them a letter, asking them to do something more is appropriate? Absolutely. But why say, “I’m so done with them?” I’ve seen many, many other authors do stupid things and their publishing houses didn’t get boycotted because of it, did they?

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s good this came to light, but beating a dead horse -and each other- isn’t going to accomplish much more than making us look like asses.

  11. Oh, and yes, Renee, I would have killed you. Remember, Silence is the better part of valor…just be sure to do as i say, not as I do. LOL

  12. “I’m just waiting for someone to grab this and say, “Well, she writes romance, what do you expect?” Because we all know that will eventually be what happens.”

    Already done, Holly.

    “A publishing tale this sordid could only spring from romance. In fact, it’s so sordid we don’t even want to comment on it. It’s turning into the kind of he said, she said shouting match one would expect to find at Dog the Bounty Hunter’s family reunions and we don’t want to go there.”

    *totally “lifted” from an SB commenter*

  13. Well, really, it was only a matter of time. And how sad is it that I feel we (as a community) are partially responsible for the way this has come out? For the negative comments being bandied about by one another and the publishing houses and blah blah?

    Or maybe I’m just the cynical sort.

  14. Holly, I’m sorry to hear that. Online debates are diffucult to have because a lot of things can become miscontrued and taken the wrong way. Then the need to defend yourself comes into play and every thing just gets out of hand and it turns into drama.

    I agree, it’s probably best to stay out of that type of discussion.

  15. I think that the issue was blown out of proportions a little bit… and I actually admire the publishers standing behind the author. Seriously, I wish MY supervisor had my back, but I can keep on dreaming… So kudos to the publishers.

    and although plagiarism is bad and unethical and blablabla… would we have known if it wasn’t for the net?

  16. I totally get you on ‘community’. Lately it feels like a war zone instead of a bunch of people talking about books we love and yeah, hate.

    I do think there are forums that want the controversy and enjoy they fur flying. I get free speech and all that but when did respecting another person and their right to their own opinion become so vile.

    Like everyone else I have an opinion and I would rather talk about it with people who are looking to get a better understanding of a situation than those who are looking to score points.

    I haven’t been to DA or SB to read anything yet. I think I’ll save it for when I’m really bored 😉


  17. Like everyone else I have an opinion and I would rather talk about it with people who are looking to get a better understanding of a situation than those who are looking to score points.

    Me too, Cindy. Which is why I’m glad you’re here. 🙂

  18. “Lately it feels like a war zone instead of a bunch of people talking about books we love and yeah, hate.”

    Because war zone posts up the traffic counts. And everday average reviews sites like ours are “boring.”

    As in any other media, trash talkin’ sells.

  19. Rowena

    I admire that you spoke up, I admire that you didn’t go in there with your temper flying, trying to defend yourself because it wouldn’t have done you any good. I admire you for knowing that.

    I also agree with everything you said as I feel exactly the same way.

    I got that the author was a plagerizing thief after the first post, I didn’t need the twenty other posts to convince me.

    Move the party train along already, will you?

  20. Lori

    Agreed, which is why I often go for days without commenting anywhere, LOL. Hugs. And don’t sweat it.

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