Life on the dole in a dying town is defined by drinking when you can, smoking to pass the time, and, if you’re gay, going down to the barracks at the old port to get some. Iwan’s got the cigarettes and the booze down pat, but he lacks experience, so he sticks to online porn and watching the lads portside.
Everyone else seems to have learned how to get what they want, yet Iwan can’t get past everything that could go wrong. He knows who he is, regardless of labels. But no matter how often his best friend tells him to just go for it, he doesn’t trust others to see past his mismatched body.
Paying for what he’s afraid to get for free may seem absurd, but it’s better than just watching, and it’s better than porn. It may not change the world he lives in, but with luck, it will change him.
Iwan has a crush on Jonah. Jonah hangs at the barracks and while Iwan knows that what his ultimate goal is is to be with Jonah (in a sexual way – I wasn’t really getting the romance vibe) he lacks experience. For Iwan this creates a huge problem. He doesn’t want to look like a fool in front of Jonah and since the extent of what he knows lies in what he’s seen on online porn he makes a bold move. He ends up contacting a guy online and heading to London from his home in Wales to pay for sex.
This was a pretty short book but it was a good one. I understood that Iwan felt there might be more barriers for him in his hometown obtaining the experience he felt he needed as he was a transgender male, but the risk he took in heading to London had me screaming, “No! Don’t do it!!” In the end it did work out for Iwan but it still had me on a bit of pins and needles.
I really liked the writing in the story. It truly gave me an idea of the depressed state of Iwan’s town, his home life and his fear of rejection for his inexperience. The focus of the book wasn’t on the fact that Iwan was a transgender male, and I didn’t quite pick that up from the blurb, but since it was worked into the story so well I was focused more on Iwan’s sexual issues – rather than his identity – as that was what the story was about. Being a romantic I have to say that I really would have liked to have seen more interaction with Jonah rather than the guy he paid in London but since it’s not a romance I didn’t get that. lol
As I said, I enjoyed the writing and will definitely keep Smith on my radar.
Rating: 3 out of 5
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