Today we have erotic romance author Anne Douglas here to talk about BDSM, but from a less traditional angle. We’re very pleased to have her on the blog and hope you’ll help us make her feel welcome.
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When many think of a sexually submissive man they aren’t thinking of a roughly 6ft tall, tanned, with tousled dark-hair hunk.
But I was.
They also might be thinking leather, whips and 6inch stiletto heel dominatrix boots, or maybe a BDSM club with willing male slaves looking for a Dominatrix.
But I wasn’t.
The guy I was looking for was your fairly average guy (okay, just a touch above average), with a great job, great friends… and an awesome girlfriend who wasn’t afraid to fuck him in the arse with a strap on dildo (pegging, (linky: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pegging_(sexual_practice)) for those of you not in the know).
Just a little different than that scene with those delicious black Dominatrix boots, right?
Often female domination comes with an expectation of weak, ineffectual, impotent men. Hmmm…yet women find strength and power through submission. How does that figure then? What’s good enough for the goose isn’t so for the gander? (But that, oooh, that’s a whole other post J). But what happens when the male sub isn’t weak or impotent or needing to be ‘shown’ submission suits him? What if he’s strong (although conflicted) and rather more than capable of getting the job done in bed, but most of all, really enjoys submitting to his partner? Where does he fit into the picture?
Not entirely all that well. It wasn’t easy to find what I was looking for – thank goodness for the Internet being filled with kink! I did eventually find a small handful (more like a couple of fingers) of websites/people/groups who are putting a positive spin on being a male submissive – those looking on it as a desirable thing, not an emasculating one.
Female Domination is often tied up with heavy bondage/discipline and I didn’t want that for His Intimate Submission (the original title of Subtle Domination will probably give you an idea of
where I was going). I wanted to write about a man only just coming to the realization that he wants to be topped in bed; a woman who finds she’s quite happy to do so; and the way those things changed and evolved their relationship. In other words, curious but inexperienced people pretty much like you and me (well, most of the you’s out there, some of the other you’s are a pretty kinky lot!).
I’d love to hear others ideas, views or comments on female domination/male submission – I’m hoping there are a few other ladies out there like me who don’t particularly associate with a deep desire to relinquish control (my life is quite out of control enough as it is, thanks).
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Anne is a woman of many talents. Besides writing erotic romance she also handcrafts covers for the Sony eReader (you can find them here at Etsy).
Leave a comment telling us your thoughts on female domination/male submission and you’ll be entered to win your choice of an e-copy of His Intimate Submission or, if you own a Sony eReader, one a cover from Anne’s Addictions.
Contest will end Friday, December 18 at 11:59 p.m. by the time stamp on the blog.
I feel female domination/male submission is another great way to show another spin on any realtionship. Men have through the years have always been shown the strong one of the realtionship with women the weaker sex. This shows that women can also be just as strong or more so then men. But more imporantly it shows that men and women can enjoy healthy sexual realtionship without feeling their not man enough or a woman is suppose to lay on her back and do nothing, it feels like man and woman are equals
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Personally I am exploring this dynamic (the female in control) … as far as reading about it goes – I enjoy a woman finding her power through the dominate sexual care of a male… and a male strong enough to submit and trust her to find his pleasure… give up control. It is much more emotional than sexual.
Thanks for this post and I look foward to reading your story – Miranda
Often female domination comes with an expectation of weak, ineffectual, impotent men.
This is so true. Until I read Natural Law by Joey W. Hill, I had no idea that submissive and strong could go hand-in-hand.
I look forward to checking your books out! Thanks for visiting us today.
Wow, I’m looking forward to reading your story!! I think that the dom female/sub male concept is a great new avenue. I’d gotten tired of reading the same story over and over again, so this will be a welcome change. Thanks for stopping by!
I absolutely agree that men do not have to be weak or ineffectual to be interested in submission. Those are just the type of stories I love to read and there are not as many out there as there should be. I am dying to read yours. No need to enter me in the contest as I’ve purchased them already and don’t have a Sony e reader. Good luck with the new book.
I’m fascinated with the idea of writing alpha males submitting without making them weak. I can see it happening. I get tired of the same old stereotypes of domination requiring leather & spiked boots etc. I think a lot of it can be in the partners’ heads and how they approach it.
I think that turn about is fair play. For so long women have been put into a subservient role. I like that in this case it’s the woman who holds all the power. It doesn’t make the man look weak, he looks stronger because he’s willing to let down his barriers and be open and honest. And it adds an extra layer of excitement to a relationship.
Aha comments! I’ve been out most of the day and am just getting in. Oh the joys of the post office in December!
It’s good to hear from you all.
Miranda – I like the way you said this ” I enjoy a woman finding her power through the dominate sexual care of a male… and a male strong enough to submit and trust her to find his pleasure”
I wasn’t really interested in a story that was about the dominant female exposing a man to his submissive desires via heavy BDSM, but one more about the care and loving and acceptance of a fairly average guy who’s discovered he rather likes being the submissive in the bedroom (well submissive most of the time, Jason’s a bit of a cheeky bugger). A little more like the hurt/comfort or angst concepts perhaps – but definitely without stepping over into the mothering concept.
I think that’s why I liked the idea of both Jason and Lucy being new to the game, so to speak. They each have to find their way to this new person they are becoming, feeling awkward and unsure along the way for differing reasons. That is quite a different dynamic to play with, being beginners, rather than one partner being so obviously experienced. Doms still have to start at ‘the bottom’ of the learning curve just like subs, and I liked the idea of inexperience vs omniscience.
Leah and Lori – I think in this instance I’m working more with a Beta hero than an Alpha, those Alpha guys are tough nuts to crack 🙂 I think I’ll leave those guys to Joey Hill in her wonderful series.
Leah – you commented on the stereotype of domination, this wiki page is a serious WTF? for me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_dominance the tone of antipathy is horrible, and strange when on the equivalent pages relating to feminine submission there is nothing of the like. It’s a good point in case though to not believe all you read on Wikipedia since it’s open source driven.
Thank you to those who purchased the story today – I do so hope you enjoy it, unusual fetish, kinky bits and and all 🙂
Me – This story was kind of out of my regular box, so my inner worrywart is still at high alert waiting for the first reviews and reader comments. My fingernails be stubs! lol
This shows that women can be as strong as men.
I totally agree with Casee. Joey Hill’s Natural changed my entire outlook on F/M d/s forever.
I think that many authors have successfully shown a bit of this. I’m thinking of those really manly alphas who just want to give up that control they have to have all the time.
Sounds awesome!
I find the strong alpha man who’s submitting to a woman very attractive. One of the best heroes to read about! So I’m very curious about your book!
🙂
Janna
Estella – I’m all for sexual empowerment, and it doesn’t have to be big and physical, it can be all in the mindset too. Just a certain touch of a finger can be just as powerful as the bigger play items.
Janet – Joey Hill’s set all of us authors a pretty high bar to reach! In fact when I queried about the viability of a femdom story it was suggested ‘you have to make it as good as Joey HIll’s series’ – so, of course, I went the total opposite direction LOL!
Janna – Strong men finding their submissive side is definitely a draw for me