I’m not sure how many of you realize this, but I just got married a few months ago. This is my second marriage. Even though this isn’t my first time around, and I have two children already, the first question everyone asks me now that I tied the knot is if I’m pregnant or if I’m not, when do I plan on getting pregnant.
No joke, that’s the first thing people ask me. Before we got married the first thing they asked was when I was getting married, then they asked when I was having a baby. Never mind that I’m almost 30 and have two children who are quickly approaching the teen years (one is 9 and the other 11), or that I’m not particularly interested in having another baby, or really my feelings on that matter at all. I just got married so therefore I need to have a baby.
Not only do people ask me every.single.day if I’m pregnant/when I’m getting pregnant, but lately a lot of bloggers/friends have become pregnant or had babies. One of my darling friends just gave birth yesterday (actually, she could really use your good thoughts and prayers right now). Kris is scheduled to have a C-Section this week. Giselle is pregnant. So is Melody. Two girls I went to high school with are talking about having more babies.
Maybe because of the above mentioned I’m overly sensitive to the issue right now, but I’ve noticed babies are mentioned in pretty much every romance I read (Hmm, this could perhaps be because I’m overdosing myself on Harlequin Presents at the moment….just a thought). It’s not that I have anything against babies (hello, I’m a mother of two already). Shoot, I even understand that a child can be an extension of your love for the person you’ve chosen to share your life with (or even someone you can’t spend it with). I just wonder if it’s necessary to include a baby in every.single.novel.
Most married couples I know want to take a year or two to adjust to being married (or in Isabel‘s case 10 years..whatever…hehehe) and to have some time together before they start a family. So why is it that 95% of the time the heroine is pregnant by the epilogue? Or it’s at least mentioned.
Are children necessary to having a full life/marriage? I don’t think so. I’m madly, wildly, completely in love with my husband (hey, I’m still in the honeymoon period, I can say that if I want), but I don’t feel like we have to have a child of our own for our love to be complete. I realize my situation is a bit different since I’ve already had kids, but I think (maybe my cynical side is coming to the forefront here?) I’m getting tired of having babies shoved down my throat in romance novels.
Side Note: PLEASE DO NOT CONFUSE THIS WITH MY ABSOLUTE JOY FOR MY FELLOW BLOGGERS/FRIENDS WHO ARE PREGNANT!!!!!! I’m thrilled for them, truly. I think human life is to be valued and celebrated. Not to mention that I loooove babies. LOVE THEM. Well, as long as they aren’t mine, that is. ha! :End Side Note
I can only think of one romance novel off the top of my head (I’m sure there are others, but I can only think of the one) where the hero/heroine decided they didn’t want children at all. Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie. I didn’t feel like anything was missing from the story because they decided not to have children. Nor did I feel like their relationship suffered for it.
So, what do you think? Why are there so few romance novels written without babies being the end result of the union? Or am I just bitter because I’m being inundated?
Not only do people ask me every.single.day if I’m pregnant/when I’m getting pregnant, but lately a lot of bloggers/friends have become pregnant or had babies.
Hey, I resent that remark. I only ask you if you’re pregnant when you tell me you’re sick. LOL
Interesting post 🙂 Did I ever ask you this question? probably LOL 🙂
As for babies in novels, well I think it’s because of the Happy Ever After endings and most women always envisioned their future with kids. I mean, not long ago, it was also the standard.
*snort*
Don’t get me started on that.
and I think you’re being a bit inundated LOL 🙂
by the way, there’s Eve and Dallas… I doubt they’ll have a baby anytime soon 🙂
Am I setting back feminism when I say I love a baby ending? Even though I don’t particularly want children myself, I find it particularly sexy when a man wants to procreate… I’m a sap.
PLUS…I yearn for Eve and Roarke to have kids. Can you just imagine how much more Roarke would be if Eve were preganant? I am a sap!
Shaken and Stirred by Kathleen O’Reilly. It’s not in the actual book, but the epilogue in the third book says the couple decided not to have kids but had nine fat cats instead. 😀
I used to ask friends when they’re having babies (those who don’t), but I stopped after I realised how rude it actually was, not to mention how insensitive if, unbeknownst to me, that person was having trouble conceiving.
I don’t mind babies in novels, but the magic baby to a previously infertile couple niggles a little.
It’s weird, but in historicals, I assume there WILL be a pregnancy, in fact I EXPECT it. Mainly because, back then, that was one of the main reasons people married, so a pregnancy seems like the true HEA of the story. Although sometimes we don’t find out until later books in a series.
I read very, VERY few straight, non-paranormal contemps, but I DON’T expect a pregnancy in those because, in this age of safe sex, there SHOULDN’T be one that early in the relationship. Which explains why I don’t read many contemps- I can’t let go of real world rules when I’m reading them.
Now paranormal romances? I think there are more that DON’T include pregnancies than those that do. At least for the central characters. In subsequent books in a series, it’s not unusual to find out that the H/H from a previous book are either expecting or have given birth.
Hey Holly, I am 32, never married and no kids. People assume I am gay. LOL
I am a proud spinster! 😛
Honestly, if I ever do get married, I don’t see myself having children. I know 3 friends of mine that are married, one couple for ten years and they have decided not to have children.
It does seem that when people get married in romance, the good old epilogue has the couple pregnant or with a few kids.
Nora R said if she decides to make Eve pregnant, that would end the series. Eve and Roarke seem so happy without children, but than you have Eve’s friend Mavis who just had a baby in the book and is thrilled, so it all depends on the type of person.
Nath,
I’m sure you’re right that they won’t have one anytime soon, but I guess I was thinking more along the lines of won’t EVER, not won’t right now.
Bet Me is the only novel I can remember reading where the h/h decide they never want kids. And not they don’t want kids but in the epi OOPS we had a baby, but really don’t ever want kids. I think it would be nice to see more of those.
Don’t misunderstand, though, I’m not against babies in novels period, I just feel like there’s an overload right now. Probably I need to take a break. 😛
Oh I am SO SICK OF THE FICTIONAL KIDS! Seems like I can’t pick up a romance these days without having kids coming out of my ears; I was starting to feel cursed. Could we get a warning label, maybe? 😉 I adore my own child and get tons of cuteness from him in real life, I don’t need it in my romances!
willaful
Great post, Holly! I totally relate – My husband and I have been married for like 15 years and we never wanted kids, and don’t have them. But I’m super into being an aunt, and I have lots of friends with great kids who I adore.
I get that baby endings mean permanence, but yeah, I don’t think they’re necessary. Gosh, maybe I should read Bet Me!
You don’t sound bitter at all! I get that you have to walk a careful line when you talk about this.
First, don’t forget Kate from Let’s Gab just had her baby today too… via C-section no less. 🙂
It IS baby overload. Seems like a baby boom or something.
Anyhow, I can’t help but wonder since when getting married became synonymous with having a baby. Dude, you just got married… not saying that if you wanted kids it would be wrong, but I hear what you’re saying. You want time with the hubby. And you deserve it. Enjoy!
Holly-At least you have children. I’m almost 32, not even married and do NOT plan on having children ever. As soon as I turned 18, my grandmother was asking me “So when are you going to get married? I want great-grandbabies.” Um, yeah. Thankfully, my brother and his wife jumped on the breeding bandwagon, so I don’t get that anymore…but I feel your pain. 😀
CJ,
Why haven’t you read it yet? I’m tempted to send it to you just to get you to read it. 😛
Anne,
I didn’t mean to exclude Kate. You announced it after this post was set and ready to go. CONGRATS TO HER. That’s so exciting. 🙂
But yes, we want some time, just the two of us (ok, *I* want some time..he’s ready to have a baby) before we decide on kids (Ok, I’ve decided and he’s trying to change my mind).
Still, I’d like to see more couples decide they don’t want kids at all.
Bev,
I have noticed Paranormals don’t seem as likely to drop a baby in the first book, but it seems like most of the time they want to have one eventually.
On the Eve/Roarke situation:
I can see them adopting a baby or taking in a child Eve has to deal with in one of her cases (I really wanted them to adopt (was it) Trixie from Survivor in Death, but I know it wasn’t right for them) but I can’t really see her getting pregnant and having a baby. Maybe someday she’ll be there, but not any time soon.
Oops, I’ve asked you that. Sowwy!
In books, I love a baby ending. I always want a pregnancy or birth to happen by the end of the romances that I read.
I think thats why I fell in love with romance books so early on. I started off reading Harlequins as a teen, and they almost always had a baby ending. I loved it then, I love it now.
I don’t ask that question more than once to people I know. I had a co-worker who felt so overwhelmed with that question from everyone, and she just wasn’t ready. Then it took a looooong time for her to get pregnant, and I could see the stress it caused up until that point. She talked a lot about how how upsetting it was to be asked constantly about having kids. I really felt bad for her.
But what if her and her husband didn’t want kids? Nothing wrong with that at all. Every family is different. I would think it would be cool for you & MM to have kids since you’re so perfect together, but when YOU are ready.
I don’t mind babies or pregnancies in books, but then again I don’t seem to read too many lately that include babies. I guess I’m old fashioned though and think it’s rather romantic for both the hero and heroine to anticipate having a child together…sigh…LOL.
Holly, I think it’s just human nature, because after I had my first child, it wasn’t long before people were asking me when I was going to have another one. I don’t know why people do that.
I definitely think you are being over whelmed with babies because of your book choices! Although, I haven’t ever read a Harlequin Presents so I could just be talking out of my ass right now 🙂
PS. That picture with all the baby dolls is really creeping me out. At first, I thought it was maggots. GROSS!
Hey Holly, I remember getting all those questions when I first got married.
I like pregnancies in books in the epilogue. Especially in historicals probably because of lack of birth control makes it more expected.
Today is my day for the next one. We go in this morning for the c-section. But then I am soooo done 🙂 I get those questions too as far as having a boy. They find out that this one is a girl and i have two girls and ask when i am trying for a boy or if I was trying for a boy or they say next time or something like that. Like it is a bad thing to have three girls and no boy. Sometimes the way it is said is very irritating. Three girls works for me and Hubby, we know girls, have done girls and are a lot more comfortable with the thought of raising another girl. Okay I am done with my rant 🙂
With all the fertility issues that people are encountering today, I hesitate to ask couples when they are going to have a baby. You never know when you might put your foot in it. Of course, I have to tease my best friend. She just got married a few months ago and her borther-in-law is predicting that she will be preggers by Christmas (he has this weird knack for knowing these things.) Anyhoo, I tease her about because I know how careful she and her husband are being so that they will not have children for at least a few years. It is more that she and I are making fun of her BIL. But I digress, it is a sensitive subject. I prefer to give my friends privacy.
As for books, I love a baby ending… when it is appropriate. I buy it in Historicals moreso than in Contemps. In Mr. Perfect (I really need to stop talking about this book) they make a big deal about Jaine being on birth control and mention her sprem eating eggs. In Demon Angel they are happy that she is infertile so that they never have to worry about condoms (since they don’t want children.)
I would love to see Eve get pregnant from the standpoint of reading how she would freak out. I agree that I have thought they would end up adopting a child she encounters during a case.
Overall, I would have to admit I like the baby ending. I think it probably has to do with the fact that I want a baby some day (although, being 31 and single-ish means this is not happening in the near future). Even better, I like when it is a series of books and the H/H from a previous book gets pregnant and it is mentioned later in the series (a couple years along in the timeline.) It makes the pregnancy more realistic to me.
You should switch to paranormals. There are rarely babies in them. Personally my biological clock is ticking madly and I LURVE it when the heroine gets knocked up. (I don’t have any children yet.) But goodness knows it’s not for everyone! Def categories are not the place to be if you don’t want to read about babies, secret babies, and the like.
Try getting marry when you’re pregnant – that pretty much works for me:) “Hi, I’m 34 and yes, I have a child.”
No questions ask… except now it’s, “you really should have a second one soon because child needs companionship when you and your husband die.” Good grief, could people be more morbid?
Recent contemp w/o pregnancy: Death Angel. (yes, it’s still on my mind)
I don’t mind babies if they play a part in the story – not just finishing touch. But every now and then, I’m guilty of missing those white picket fence endings. It’s like blue skies and puppy dogs – they just makes you feel safe and full of optimism. That was the reason why I started reading romance (and the sex, of course). Now that I’m older, I can’t read those fairy tale romances anymore without eye-rolling. There’s no going back to the Harlequin days for reader.
MPH
Jill,
I emailed the girls before I posted this and asked them if this picture was creepy and they assured me it..was. LOL That was kind of the idea. Didn’t that freak you out?
I think Casee said it loaded all slow for her and was like Attack of the Plastic Babies or something. We agreed that would be a great title for some dumb 80’s horror flick. 😛
Oh my God! That picture gave me the heebie jeebies! At first, I wasn’t sure what I was looking at.
PS. It didn’t take long at all for my computer to load the picture.
I don’t mind children or pregnancies at the end of the book when they make sense for the story. My problem is that often these epilogues seem tacked on, as if the author were worried the readers won’t get just how blissfully happy the couple is unless she shows us the baby.
I have to kids–almost adults now, rats–but I gotta say that my experience was that kids brought tons of stress into my marriage along with the happy. So, blissful? Not so much.
ack… that was TWO kids *sigh*
I don’t have time to read all the comments (sorry) but whew! am I glad I didn’t ask you if you guys were planning on more babies.
I think the reason there are always babies is bc in Harlequins they always get married bc the girl is knocked up. In the historical romances, the husband doesn’t realize he loves his wife until something bad happens to her and he almost loses her….she usually winds up losing his heir in the process (this is very true with Catherine Coulter books).
I didn’t get a chance to read through the comments, but I’m going to chime in.
I’m the type of reader that doesn’t like to read about kids while reading romance (so I steer clear of Harlequins). If the summary states that kids are involved then I won’t get the book. I have two daughters myself and I’d rather not read about someone elses kids while I’m reading in my down time away from my own.
Now, I don’t mind if the epilogue states that the heroine is pregnant, as long as it doesn’t feel thrown in there to placate the reader. I’d rather them not have kids than to feel like the author is trying to please me by saying that they are expecting.
One aspect of introducing children that I do like is if the characters in a book down the line are loosley related to a previous couple, and I find out through reading the current couple’s book that a previous couple is expecting. I don’t know why, but I like that better than the baby at the end of the book scenario.
It seems I’m always late to these discussions. Holly, I went through something similar when we hit the two years married mark. People left us alone until then but after that WHAM-O!
Shannon is right though. It can be a sensitive subject because we didn’t know it at the 2 year mark, but when we did decide to try we found out we were infertile.
In retrospect I can be more forgiving because things turned out well and we have the kids, the house, the dog, etc. but at the time it was irksome and I felt nobody’s business. Even people I loved, lots, I resented giving them an explanation or reply as to when, or why or if we were going to have kids.
As for books, epilogues are overrated. Tell me in the story. I don’t need everything in a nice neat bow and sometimes I like to project my own thoughts on how the H/H live out their HEA.