It might sound strange for a writer to say this, but I’m completely obsessed with numbers. There are so many we have to keep track of: how many days left until deadline, our word and page count, our rankings, our contracts, how many days since we last showered or saw our children or kissed our husbands. We’re constantly analyzing our work, our page output, the spread of our asses on the chair. But me, I also like to keep things simple, and visually accessible. Not to mention, focus on the important things — like comparing how many times I use the word “fuck” in every book I write. Oh, and damn, throb, blood, and love (just for comparison).
I have to admit, DEMON ANGEL’s numbers surprise me. I thought Lilith’s “fuck” number was much higher (and this counts every permutation of “fuck,” including “fucktard” and “motherfucker.”) But I suppose that’s because she says it more often in the other novels. “Damn” is moderately higher than in DEMON MOON, not because it was used as a swear word (as Drifter does in DEMON NIGHT, pushing its “damn” numbers way up) but because Lilith and Hugh are constantly talking about souls being damned. There were six instances of “throb” in both DEMON ANGEL and DEMON MOON, but I’m proud that number was reduced to two in DEMON NIGHT (and it was Charlie’s head that was throbbing in one passage, not any naughty parts.)
DEMON MOON is exactly as I thought it would be. There are almost 100 uses of “fuck” and its variations in the book, and “blood” is off the charts, with over 500 uses. Not just because Colin is a vampire, however — his favorite phrase is “bloody fucking hell,” and he says it often.
In DEMON NIGHT, the “fucks” are pretty much all Lilith’s and Charlie’s (who only says “fuck you” to the people she loves.) The only time Drifter really says it is when Charlie is cutting him open — so it was understandable, given the circumstances. The rest of the time, he sticks with “damn,” “hell,” and “son of a bitch,” because he’s a bit more of a gentleman.
But numbers don’t always play nice — sometimes, when presented in a certain way, they suggest information that is just plain wrong. For example, here is a graph showing my words written per month for each book, and my caffeine consumption for each book.
At first glance, it looks as if there is a clear correlation between caffeine consumption and word output. Then, after DEMON MOON, a funny thing happens: caffeine consumption goes way up, and output goes down. So it seems to say that there exists a point at which caffeine, when taken in quantities too great, negatively affects production.
Unfortunately, that would be the wrong conclusion to draw, because it reverses cause/effect. I did not begin drinking more caffeine, and then write slower — I increased my caffeine consumption out of pure frustration and panic, because the words weren’t coming. I think that if my caffeine consumption hadn’t been increased, the words per month for DEMON NIGHT would have been somewhere around … five. Every single word was slow and painful, even though I loved loved loved the story and the characters — but sometimes, it doesn’t flow, and so I resorted to extreme measures. And I jittered a lot.
Now, I’m back down to DEMON MOON levels. And the chairs at Starbucks have a permanent impression of my ass cheeks in their comfy chairs.
The next chart is self-explanatory.
But, what the hell, I’ll talk about it anyway.
The despair doesn’t really come from the ranking — unless you’re in the top 500 or so, and then despair turns to joy — but from the utter inability to tell what the hell they mean. I’ve seen my books go from #15,000 to #250,000 in the course of a day. Whuh? What does that mean? Did ten people suddenly decide to return the books or cancel their orders? If they did cancel their orders, is it because they bought the book in a brick-and-mortar instead of waiting for it to ship? And why don’t I have the same obsession with Barnes & Noble’s numbers?
So, knowing that it’s utterly impossible to know what Amazon’s numbers mean, and knowing that the only thing will come of it is frustration — I still check. Because (in case it wasn’t already obvious) I’m pretty much insane.
If you could chart anything — what would it be? What do you think it would say about you or the thing you were analyzing?
I am afraid of numbers.
(However, you make me laugh out loud often, which reduces my stress… perhaps that could be charted AND mean something?)
Number of laughs and stress?
Actually, I’m pretty sure there would be a clear correlation — as laughs go up, stress goes down.
Well, then that’s a chart I could, perhaps, on a very good day, handle *sheepish*
Numbers hate me, I tell you.
It’s awful.
(And I’m convinced I live in the wrong time zone!)
Oooo… I’m so excited about your post, Meljean! I haven’t put my college degrees to good use in quite a while. This is good exercise for my brain! 🙂
I basically extrapolated the data you presented in your three graphs and have come up with what I think is a very technical hypothesis: Meljean Brook is a caffeine addicted procrastinator who ought to own stock in Starbucks. ;p
Not enough throb… need more throb. Like throbbing manhood, throbbing penis, etc..
I am also shocked by there being more “fucks” in Demon Moon than Demon Angel because Lilith has such a gutter mouth.
I can’t stand the “C” word. bleck, Fuck I am fine with but the nasty “C” word.. oh no no…
Oh, BTW did you see that awesome and spectacular first review for Demon Night on Amazon. That chick knows her books *G*
I should chart the amount of times I go to the bathroom in one day. From the amount of water and coffee I drink those numbers would be too high to count.
Christine — that’s incredibly, incredibly accurate, lol!
katiebabs — hmm, I think I did see something there. *thinking hard* Who wrote that, I wonder? So many different names… 😀
It was an awesome review.
Also, don’t forget that Lilith added plenty of “fucks” in Demon Moon, too. Hers account for at least 10 or so.
Okay I would chart my TV hours vs my reading hours vs my writing and then go find a pint of icecream and cry in it realizing how much time I waste away from books by watching TV… But then again my TV gives me ideas for writing… Huh!
I would chart everytime some little question pops into my head -from a conversation, from reading the news or watching the television – and how quickly (and succesfully) i get the answer from (usually) googling or wikipedia or m-w.com or imdb.com etc. — great post Meljean!
I don’t know what I would chart, but I love your post and what you have put in graphs 🙂
I didn’t think Demon Moon had so many “fuck”… I thought Demon NIght would win, but then, I’ve just read DN… so it’s probably fresher in my mind.
You are so friggin’ funny. Are you an Aries? I can’t even keep track of the books I read in a year, trying to count the number of fries going in my mouth over a week and the inevitable weight gain in said week would be heartbreaking. And impossible. Therefore I don’t have to worry about it 😉
CindyS
I’d chart my worries and my whining. Then I’d categorize them by degrees. Then when I read the depressing results I’d smack my head into a wall because it would hurt less than the headache I get from the worrying and whining. Of course two sons aged 17 and 21 who are dating and driving in Southern California add lots to the worry/whine list. The charts might be a nice alternative to getting rip roaring drunk which is an option I’ve been considering.
Oh Rosie, I can sooooo sympathize! The oldest monster is 20 this year–and attending CalTech, on the other side of the continent, which drives me insane.
The second kidlet just turned 15 and considers herself an adult who should be allowed to make all sorts of life altering decisions by herself… as long as someone else pays the bills and does the laundry.
You gotta love ’em–or they wouldn’t reach adulthood!
sarai — LOL! But you know, I think it is true: you have to have some hours away to recharge. I think there is probably an easily seen correlation between not-having-time-to-read and writing-frustration in that caffeine chart, too.
Allison — I do the same thing! The problem then is I start clicking on other links, and before I know it, I’ve spent an hour on wikipedia. It’s an addiction, I swear!
nath — Maybe it’s because “fuck you” is one of that last things Charlie says? 😀 I also think it’s because, although Colin says it a lot, it’s part of his usual swearing. So after a while, it loses its impact, and you just don’t notice it so much.
CindyS — I’m a Leo 😀 And I do keep track of the fries I stuff in my mouth, and there is an unmistakable positive correlation between deadlines and how many fries I stuff. Oh, and how many pounds I gain. Then I pretend that I will make another chart, showing how much I exercise … yeah, that doesn’t happen.
Rosie — the amount of alcohol consumed and the age of your children? I have no doubt a trend would be easy to see. If I did drink, I’m sure that caffeine number would be way down, and my blood alcohol content would be way up.
Caffeine or alcohol — the only way to survive authorhood … and motherhood.
azteclady — I think I’m going to stuff mine in a closet. She’ll reach adulthood, but I won’t have many wrinkles and maybe just a tiny bit of sanity by the time she comes out.
Meljean, if that works…
Perhaps you should get a patent?
Oh neat graphs! Which puts me to what I’d do for a graph….The number of times I yell for hubby for the techy stuff on the computer compared to the times I figure it out myself.
Gosh, I’m so lacking it in! I’d have no idea how any one does what they do with their sites and the like! I still have a hard time figuring out how to do some blogs. LOL
Are you sure you aren’t a closet engineer. I keep track of all sorts of things.
Miles hiked and time.. if we beat the time they say the hike should take. How many miles it is to a certain place.
I would keep track of how many railroad crossings to get to my parents’ home in VT.
Yes.. I’m number obsessed but I’m an engineer. 🙂
This is so funny to me because right now I am at work and I am supposed to be making a graph, but instead I am sneaking on the internet and blog hopping. How ironic is that?
I work for the University of Florida and I do research on Citrus and right now I am charting the canopy volume of the trees I am studying over the last three years. You ought to see this graph Meljean, you would go nuts. There are seven different lines all with different symbols. 🙂
Wow, those are some cool graphs you got there, Meljean…=)
I have no idea what I’d chart, this calls for some thinking…
MJ: I find these graphs absolutely fascinating, particularly words per month vs caffeine.
I also find it interesting and not a shock that you don’t write as insanely fast as a lot of other writers. I’m glad the increased caffeine didn’t spur a parallel increase in output, because I’d be worried that a third vector, let’s call it the quality fiction line, which is currently hovering high, high above 70,000 units, might descend. Don’t get a complex on that word count! I think your word output is very high for the quality you turn in.
Jill D.: That graph sounds incredibly interesting. I would like to see a book of graphs like that.
If I didn’t love you before, that post would have MADE me love you! 🙂 You’re such an analyzer.
I analyze things to death….my husband and I did a Kepner Tregoe analysis to buy our last vehicle. We had so much fun….my best friend said she would have to murder one of us!! heh heh. To each his own.
I don’t want to hear any more about despair young lady…you rock. There is no need to despair.