Saying Goodbye

Posted December 27, 2016 by Holly in Discussions | 18 Comments

I’ve dedicated a good portion of the last 15 years to reading. It’s been my main (dare I say only?) hobby, passion and one-true-love. I spent many hours reading, discussing and reviewing books. I also spent a good amount of time and money collecting them. Thousands of books have passed through my personal library over the last decade. I used to keep every book I read, whether I loved it or hated it. Back then, if I had 5 books in my to-be-read pile I got anxiety. Then I slowly started weeding out the books I didn’t love and figured I’d never read again. And my TBR pile grew to 20. As time went on I culled a lot more of my print library, keeping only my absolute favorites and my full collections. And my TBR pile grew to thousands (though a good number of those are digital..curse you, one-click!).

Over the summer we bought a new house and moved. The new house has a ton of natural light – which is wonderful, – but all the windows take up wall space I could have used for bookshelves. I decided it was time to brutally cut down my print collection. I kept pretty much only signed copies and my full collections. Linda Howard, Lisa Kleypas, Susan Elizabeth Phillips, Nalini Singh, etc. These are the collections that include very book by the author. Some signed. All in great condition.

One of the largest – and most prized- of my collections, the In Death series by J.D. Robb disappeared in the move. I’m pretty sure it got put in with the donation boxes, though I can’t be 100% certain. I spent years collecting them. The full, complete series, including novellas, mostly in hardback. It was beautiful. And it’s gone. Gone.

It wasn’t until we’d been in the new house a couple months that I noticed they were missing. We still had some boxes in the garage that hadn’t been unpacked and I figured they were mixed in with those. Eventually all the boxes were unpacked and the books still hadn’t turned up. I called the places we usually donate to, but they didn’t have them. Either they were donated elsewhere or they were already gone by the time I called.

Over the years as I switched to mostly digital reading, I’d been slowly purchasing my favorites in e-format, so I have pretty much the entire series in e already, but that doesn’t lesson my anger and sadness over the loss of these beloved books. My heart is broken.

Back in February of this year, my husband’s aunt moved in with us. She has dementia. She’s a huge reader and books give her great pleasure. But she has strange ticks that come with her disease. One of them is hoarding/hiding books and destroying them. She pulls pages out and crumples them, bends and creases the covers and, in comes cases, even shreds them. I have no idea why. I don’t blame her for it. It isn’t something she can help. However, before we moved my entire collection of books was at her disposal and she destroyed a number of my books. Some of them weren’t very important to me, but others…oh how I mourn them. Several signed copies, or ones given to me directly by authors. The pain!

Most people don’t understand. “They’re just books, Holly”. Or “You can buy new ones.” Both are true. They are just books and I can buy new copies. But that isn’t really the point. It’s hard to say goodbye. And while these may be just books, I was pretty damn attached to them.


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18 responses to “Saying Goodbye

  1. Kareni

    You have my sincere sympathies for the loss and destruction of your books. I would be very sad if such were to happen to me.

    Can I say though that I’m glad that Book Binge is not closing? That was my first thought on reading the title of your post.

    Wishing you a very happy new year with some wonderful book acquisitions.

  2. I read the title of your post and thought ‘oh no – Holly is going’, where you were going I happily didn’t get to read as the topic turned out to be your books. Losing a wonderful, cherished collection of stories and memories, lovingly collected over many years must be so hard, and some are signed which makes them even more precious! I know that in the event of having to leave the house at a moments notice in the face of destruction, my signed copy of Judd/Caressed By Ice is coming with me ☺ That is why he is strapped to my body AT. ALL. TIMES.

  3. JenM

    I long ago gave up most of my physical books due to limited storage space in my house, but I still miss them so I feel your pain. Can I just say though, that I also thought that you were not going to blog anymore and was very happy to read the post and find out that wasn’t so.

    • The funny thing is, I don’t really read print books anymore. I’ve probably read 3 all year. But those have a special place in my heart, you know?

  4. I didn’t even think about the title until you guys said something. Sorry for the scare! You’re stuck with us. We aren’t going anywhere. 🙂

  5. erinf1

    I totally sympathize with you! I get twitchy when I, on the very rare occasion, lend books out! I also mainly read on my kindle, but there are print favs that I will never part with. Soooo sorry for your loss! And, you totally, completely need to rebuild your library. They are being reissued with better covers anyway 🙂

  6. Jen

    OMG I too was scared by that title. Whew!

    I’ve always been a huge book lover. I love book stores, love looking at other people’s books, but weirdly…I’ve just never gotten very attached to physical books myself. (Ha, you should see how horrified my colleagues are by my written on/dog eared/beat up books!) I have an embarrassingly large pile of romances I’ve picked up at the thrift store (and I should probably write a follow up post to this one about that ridiculous pile because it’s getting out of control), and I’ll keep my absolute favorites of those, but I’d say 95% of any print books I read end up getting donated right back. Mostly I’m perfectly happy to have my favorite romances in digital form.

    But, as a bookish person in a bookish field, I certainly know a LOT of people who feel a really strong emotional connection to physical books. I’m so sorry about your lost books! I know it’s more than just “a copy”. Physical books can remind you of the time/place/person you were when you read it, and that’s about more than just the words on the page. And obviously signed books add a whole other layer of meaning, too. 🙁

  7. Ada

    I can’t even imagine losing any in my print collection, it’s hard enough picking which ones fit on my shelf and which ones have to get packed into boxes. I’m so sorry that yours are gone. It’s really not the same buying new or digital copies and anyone who says that doesn’t know jack.

    But on the bright side, you totally had me fooled with that title. Phew, so glad it’s not a goodbye to this blog message!!

  8. i understan you all to well i was devasted and so angry when my father, also sick; started to destroy some books….those are my treasure so i really understand i do hope you will be able to find again your favourite i wish you so at least

    may 2017 be a better year for you

  9. I think this calls for a, “Poor baby”, that sucks sweets because even though I didn’t care all that much for that series, I know that you did.

    And even if they are just books to everyone else in the world, they aren’t just books to us. They’re our friends. They’re important and I would be sad as shit if I lost my books too. 🙁

  10. oh I am so sorry that you are having to give up your book collection…my heart breaks for you here!! But sometimes we have to do things that we don’t like. But I think I would have the hardest time, since some books I have, I have had on my shelf for years.

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